Self Analysis

I found this blog today that I had drafted a month or so ago, rather than waste it I thought I'd throw it out there with the others...


I was sitting on the bus on Wednesday, up the back, because I get off at the last stop and really can't stand being smooshed by the hundred or so people that cram themselves inside this small space.


About half way into my trip to Southbank (where I get off to catch another bus to Uni) I watched an old lady climb aboard. To my great delight three people instantly vacated their seats for her. It made me smile. Watching them all decide who was ultimately going to be seatless made me chuckle.


I catch the bus to Uni on Tuesday and Wednesdays - It's cheaper than driving, takes less time, gives me time to relax and to people watch; which is one of my favourite activities.
In my studies this semester I've had the opportunity to explore the field of Sociology (my friends are well aware that this is my favourite subject; I can't stop talking about it) which has made me think about my thinking. Why I hold certain values, the factors that have influenced the development of my character, why I react a certain way in a particular situation, and the aspect that has been of most value to me; not being so quick to judge others.

If anything I've begun analysing myself much more.

I find myself sitting back after a conversation and thinking about things I've said (or not said) and thinking what my motivation was. Why did I get flustered? Why did they get annyoyed? And finding that everybody is looking at things from their own angle - which is never going to be exactly the same as mine. I'm finding myself much less critical of others and their actions.

Being critical of myself has made me start asking alot of questions that have kept me up at night and have caused me a deal of discomfort. They're not little things either, they're really big questions that I need to answer on my own. What do I want to do with my life? Do I really want to be a Teacher? Should I be sitting in a classroom for the next 40 years? Do I want to have a big house and a secure income, do I really value this or is it just a social expectation that I've blindly grabbed hold of?
See what I mean? I've tried to talk to my mum about it.

"You just need to put your head down and finish University, once you've tackled that you can travel and decide what it is you want to do."
Mum has listened to me whine about needing to get back to studying for the last 18 months, now I'm back I feel like I need to run for the hills. Needless to say this shift in attitude has caused her great frustration too.